What it is to Take Responsibility of Your Own Pleasure

Q: Why can´t I have the big O?

A: Being responsible of them, does not mean, that only you give them to yourself, but that´s where you must begin. Find out the real reasons why you are not getting there.

1. You have no idea about your body and what works for you. Some women do not even know what feels good for them. You are your first partner and if you don´t know, what you enjoy, how you could guide your partner? Figure out exactly what you like, and then share that with your beloved.

2. You are not getting enough foreplay (let´s say 30 - 40 minutes at the minimum). A lot of women fake, because a lot of men fake foreplay. If your man isn´t giving you hardly any foreplay, you are never actually getting turned on. It is impossible to reach the big O, when you are not even turned on. 

And don´t even get me started on the standard use of lubrication to ease entry without foreplay! So tell him to slow down and to get in tune with your pleasure.

3. You are ONLY having penetrative stimulation. Unfortunately most of the times men think, they are incredibly good in bed, but they actually have no idea what they are doing. Only sometimes, some women reach the peak from back and forth stimulus alone, so it´s no wonder, if you are not satisfied with the jackhammer method. Try adding in clitoral stimulation via your own hand and take responsibility on your climax.

4. You are too stressed out, not connected to yourself, nor your partner to enjoy. Maybe worrying about unintended pregnancy or STD´s. Weather he is faithful etc. This all makes it really hard to let go and enjoy. So please pay attention to contraception and protection.  

5. Time pressure! You may fear, that your children can wake up anytime, and you are putting pressure on yourself. This is the best way to create a vicious cycle. 

Let go of the goals. Stop trying and just enjoy the sensations instead, and you will reach the peak when you least expect it. According to surveys, it takes in average about 10-20 minutes stimulation for woman to let go by a partner.

6. You may just need a bit more lubrication; foreplay, oral pleasure, but be careful with the artificial lubricants, as they are not to be used to substitute foreplay and natural lubrication.

7. You are intoxicated. A sip can help you to relax, lower your inhibitions, and make you less self-conscious. Another way to do that, is to communicate honestly and openly. Alcohol is also dehydrating, so you might find it harder to lubricate.

8. You are on a medication, that is making let go nearly impossible. Medications like SSRIs (used to treat depression, anxiety etc.) can often lessen sensitivity. Talk to you doctor and see, if there is another alternative, like MAO-inhibitors, which do not have such side effects at all.

9. There is an actual anatomical or physical problem. True medical conditions, that affect your ability to let go, are extremely RARE.