Why Can't I Have the Big O with My Partner?

Q: Why can't I have the big O?

A: Being responsible for your pleasure and satisfaction means discovering why you are not getting there.

1. You don't know your body and what works for you. Some women do not even know what feels right for them. You are your first partner, and if you don't know what you enjoy, how can you guide your partner? Figure out precisely what you like, and then share that with your beloved.

2. You are not getting enough foreplay (say 30 minutes minimum). Many women fake because many men fake foreplay. If your partner isn't giving you hardly any foreplay, you are never actually getting turned on. It is impossible to reach the big O when you are not even turned on.

And don't even get me started on the everyday use of artificial lubrication of the bottle to ease penetration without foreplay! So tell your partner to slow down and get in tune with your pleasure so you can get aroused and finally climax.

3. You ONLY have penetrative stimulation. Unfortunately, most of the time, men think they are excellent lovers in bed, but they have no idea what they are doing.

Only sometimes do some women reach the peak from back-and-forth stimulus alone, so it's no wonder you are unsatisfied with the jackhammer method. Try adding clit stimulation via your own hand and take responsibility for your climax.

4. You are too stressed out and not connected to yourself or your partner to enjoy. Maybe worrying about unintended preg or STDs. Whether your partner is faithful, etc. This all makes it really hard to let go and enjoy. So please pay attention to protection for the sake of peace of mind.  

5. Time pressure! You may fear that your children can wake up anytime and pressure you. This is the best way to create a vicious cycle.

Let go of the goals. Stop trying and enjoy the pleasurable sensations instead, and you will reach the peak when you least expect it.

According to surveys, it may take just a few minutes, but on average, about 8-16 minutes of stimulation for a woman to orgasm with a partner.

6. You may need more lubrication, foreplay, and a variety of pleasurable stimulation, but be careful with artificial lubricants because they should not be used to mask the inadequate foreplay leading to natural lubrication.

7. You are intoxicated. A sip can help you relax, lower your inhibitions, and make you less self-conscious. Another way to do that is to communicate honestly and openly. Alcohol is also dehydrating, so you might find it harder to lubricate.

8. You are on a medication that makes letting go nearly impossible. Drugs like SSRIs (used to treat depression, anxiety, etc.) can often lessen sensitivity.

Talk to your doctor to discover alternatives that do not usually have significant side effects, such as anorgasmia or weight gain.

9. There is an actual anatomical or physical problem. Medical conditions that affect your ability to let go are extremely RARE.