"The First Time" - Understanding "Female Virginity" in the 21st Century

Virginity is a conceptual, social construction. Old cultural traditions place particular value on this state, predominantly towards unmarried women, associated with ideas of personal purity, honor, status, and worth. 

When we have sexual activity for the first time - the definition of virginity varies from woman to woman, person to person - we do not lose anything. 

A hymen, a fold of a thin membranous tissue at the vag opening, varies from woman to woman. Hymens come in many different shapes, types, elasticities, and thicknesses. Hymens also change throughout a woman's life.

In some women, the hymen looks like a ring. In others, it is crescent-shaped. Some women have several holes, notches, or clefts in their hymens. Some have been born without that fold.

What is the purpose of the hymen? We are not sure of its exact biological role. One of the most common theories is that it acts like a veil to prevent infectious agents from entering a developing body.

In a TED talk called The Virginity Fraud, Norwegian medical doctors Nina Dølvik Brochmann and Ellen Støkken Dahl describe how the hymen is more like a stretchy collar or a scrunchie than a barrier. It is elastic and flexible enough for painless vag inte*course for most women.

It is common NOT to bleed the first time a woman has penet*ative sex. An easily stretching hymen or changes in hymenal tissue are NOT necessarily signs of past sexual activity or penet*ation. 

The assumption that all virginal women will bleed is little more than folklore, nor does bleeding say anything about virginity. 

However, there should never be discomfort or pain in any sex-related activity.

It is essential, especially for the first time, because painful experiences cause trauma and sexual difficulties for both parties.

The reasons for pain, tearing, and bleeding are usually rough or forced penet*ation and insertion and dryness because of not being sexually aroused, turned on, naturally lubricated, and expanded internally.  

There is never a need to use physical force. 

Not even lube - because the vag is a self-lubricating organ - and lubrication from the bottle often mask the fact that the woman is not sexually aroused and, therefore, not ready for penet*ation, nor would she enjoy it. 

Instead of being a subject, the woman should be in charge and lead the situation herself. There would not be discomfort or pain when she controls the position, listens to her body's subtle messages, and takes care of the insertion herself.

Even though of passion and situational pressures, mindful lovers focus on pleasure by going slowly, tenderly, and gently and at first build up proper arousal, desire, and enthusiasm. 

Regardless of the sensual activities you prepare for, getting familiar with your own anatomy and pleasures is the most important thing

Making friends with your body and discovering self-pleasure helps you feel familiar with your body, figure out what feels good, and then communicate to your partner better.

Getting married? Find out more at https://docnoor.com to schedule a consultation with sexologist Christina Lindea alone or with your partner to discover how to make your first sexual experience pleasurable and fun.